I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
