I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I would fuck him just for his dog
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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