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Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
