hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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