yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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