The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
