Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
