I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
