you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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