haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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