Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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