Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
