i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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