I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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