Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
