She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
