Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
