whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
