So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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