how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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