It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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