ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
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He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
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I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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