Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have already put on my inside pants.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
