her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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