I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
