She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
