Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
