Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
