I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Randomize
