apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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