Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
