When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize