I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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