Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
