did you get engaged???
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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