"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
please come you make the beer taste better
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
