3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
