You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
