honey bunches of taint.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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