I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
