Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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