Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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