Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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