Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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