Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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