he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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