I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
