Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
...so i touched it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
