I think I won the penis lottery.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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