I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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