Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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