tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
