Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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