i barfeds in our rink
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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