She is in my trunk
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You can't just leave with hair like that
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
