Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
