Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i drank out of a bidet.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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