I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
