Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
