I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
