Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
