probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
