Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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