I think im going to throw up on grandma
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
