he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
