guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
