Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
