And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
