His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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