I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
