mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
