Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
