Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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