the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
