Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
