8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
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This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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