my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
