I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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