Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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