just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
