I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize