we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
