He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
