ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
